Bathroom Blues

Bathroom Blues

The president was loitering in one of the many bathrooms of the Crown Prince of Saudi Arabia. As a construction person, he was much interested in the décor of this palatial retreat. So much fine marble! So much ornate gold! It made Mara Lago look paltry and poor in comparison. He was having a hard time with respect to envy, he admitted. This royal bathroom was Yuge and had several toilets each separately designed, so you could take your pick. There was a large fridge in it full of soft drinks (he had already taken a diet coke). The floor to ceiling mirrors made him look small, insignificant. His ego was taking a bruising in the envy area. The White House now struck him as cramped and cheap—a place where a loser might live (if live is the word). Gloomily, he exited.

After a two-mile walk, he came upon the prince himself—a tall regal man dressed in flowing robes. Telegenic. He was the center of all he beheld. He shook the hand of the president, the latter’s hand limper than he liked. He didn’t know whether to bow. “How are your accommodations?” the prince asked. “Magnificent”, the president replied. “Top quality fittings everywhere—beautiful, beautiful”. The prince beamed with royal benign. “And how is the president’s wife?” “Oh, she’s doing marvelously, so popular, so devoted”, replied the president. He couldn’t help reflecting that the Crown Prince had no indictments against him and had never had to appear in court even once. Nor was he ridiculed by TV comedians and harassed by the press. Come to think of it, the man had never done a day’s work in his life, or owed any bank money, or had ever gone bankrupt. Really, there was no comparison between the two with respect to the success and winning. The president was reduced to thinking about his military and his TV celebrity and his superiority over the pope.

The president was mounting his plane feeling low. It was a great visit, he was praised by everyone, a total success like the world had never seen before. So much respect! But he couldn’t stop thinking about that bathroom—so much beauty, so much class! He settled into his seat and tried not to think about it. He ordered a burger and gazed listlessly out of the window. He knew he would never be completely happy again.