God: A Dialogue

God: A Dialogue

A: There’s this guy I read about: he’s like really big, much bigger than anyone else, and he’s incredibly knowledgeable, much more than any Jeopardy player you’ve ever seen, and he’s also extremely powerful, more than all the world leaders put together.

B: Really, is he a good guy?

A: Oh yes, super good. He’s like the best, better than all the rest.

B: Wow, I’d like to meet him.

A: Yeah, and he created the whole universe—only took him a week to do it. Did a good job too. He’s really a master builder.

B: That’s pretty impressive. Family man?

A: Er, that too—very successful son. Major philanthropist. Sweet-natured, yet tough. Also, quite handsome.

B: And the Big Guy, what does he feel about the rest of us? He must be a busy dude.

A: Oh, he loves us! He’s very generous like that. Always giving us stuff, door always open, a total mensch.

B: He sounds fantastic. Must be real popular. Where does he live?

A: Well, he doesn’t live anywhere, that’s the thing. He doesn’t own a house; sort of homeless, you might say.

B: Really? What does he do for a living?

A: He doesn’t do anything for a living—doesn’t need to. He’s unemployed, technically.

B: Jeez, unemployed but rich!

A: Not exactly, he hasn’t got any money—he doesn’t need money. He lives of the fat of the land, so to speak.

B: I wish I could do that. My job sucks.

A: Mine too, but c’est la vie, like they say.

B: Funny I’ve never heard of him before. When is his next appearance?

A: Actually, he doesn’t do appearances. In fact, he’s invisible.

B: Amazing—so smart and strong and nice and he’s invisible. You’d think he’d want to flaunt it.

A: He’s modest that way—doesn’t like to show off and whatnot. Keeps to himself. No press conferences, interviews, shit like that.

B: So, what does he do with this time? Does he have hobbies? Music lover?

A: Nobody really knows, bit of a mystery in fact. Since creating the universe, he has been on extended sabbatical, holed up somewhere. Apparently, he just sits and thinks, keeps an eye on things, occasionally puts the odd thing right. But he’s actually pretty laissez faire. Let’s you do you.

B: Interesting. So, he sits, does he?

A: Not in the literal sense. Reports are vague on this point. No body, you see. Nothing to sit with.

B: That’s fortunate, because too much sitting can play hell with your back–I know. Does he follow sports?

A: Oh, he’s a big fan of sports, all sports. Supports all the teams, picks no favorites. Particularly enjoys women’s gymnastics, I believe.

B: Who doesn’t, eh? Well, he sounds like a well-rounded type of fella, someone you could have a beer with, shoot the breeze.

A: I don’t think he drinks. Teetotaler and all. Drug-free. He has a healthy lifestyle.

B: I would too in his position—no job to go to and everything. Well, I gotta go, bus to catch, good talking to you.

A: Yeah, take care now. See you tomorrow. You’re a good listener.

B: I try. Oh, and what’s his name, this guy you read about?

A: He has no name, no birth certificate, no country of origin, no mom and dad, nothing.

B: Thought so. Have a good day!