On Being the Best
On Being the Best
A few years ago, I came to the conclusion that I am the best philosopher who ever lived. It was hard to take in at first. But I had to accept it; I could no longer deny it. It was true. Facts are facts. I kept it to myself for a while and then decided to confess it. The response was mainly silence. But I have come to think that I was wrong. I have revised my opinion. I now believe that I am the best philosopher ever by far. Why do I say this? Compare the Beatles: it is generally agreed that they are not only the best band ever but the best band ever by far. They had it all; no one could compare. Four working-class blokes from Liverpool: the best ever by far. It is not seriously deniable after all this time. The Beatle mania was justified. Even they found it hard to believe. But you just have to look at their output—clearly the best by far. And they only existed for a few short years. I was forced to my own realization by my output of the last few years, written since I arrived (reluctantly) at my earlier judgment—it clearly makes me the best by far. Quantity, quality. No contest.
I hear the screams of protest: what an egotist, narcissist, deluded fool! But, my friends, you have got me wrong: because I am really not that good. Being the best at something doesn’t logically entail being good at it. Being the best is completely relative to a chosen group—e.g., being the best ant high-jumper. My potential rivals all have glaring weaknesses, recognized in hindsight. I won’t enumerate the various failures, limitations, and humiliations (e.g., the pineal gland). It is very easy to be wrong, short-sighted, and tunnel-visioned. Who now thinks that Plato and Aristotle got everything right? This is a familiar story. In fact, I think that the best philosophers were all too aware of their limitations—because philosophy is so hard. We are so confined by our time and place, not to mention our biology. Mistakes are easy to make. The very best philosophers don’t really think they are that good at the subject. I myself am acutely aware of this, though I admit I am actually pretty good. But I can see philosophy in the distance laughing at me—“What, you think you are good at this!” Humans are also quite bad at physics, though some are better than others. So, ok, I’m better by far than my fellow philosophical laborers, big fucking deal. If I am a narcissist (I don’t spurn the label), I am one in the land of the disfigured.
But let me return to “by far”, because that is the interesting question (the rest is obvious). What makes me by far the best? I think there are two main factors: my command of the English language and my refusal of orthodoxy. I really cannot bear to think as others do. And I am vain about my writing style. These are the motors, the mechanisms. (I also value creativity, but that is harder to pin down). I have always had abnormal powers of expression, and I never like to go with the crowd (in fact it makes me sick). When I survey my contemporary rivals, the problem is always a lack of style and a propensity to conformity. I might almost say it is a lack of (healthy) narcissism.
As I read this over, I think what rubbish it really is; but it is a lot better than other people’s rubbish. It is a better class of rubbish. And some of it is not rubbish at all. I am the least rubbishy philosopher ever, by far.[1]
[1] Let’s remember too that I have been doing philosophy continuously for over fifty years—no breaks, no wars. And my lifetime has corresponded with the best period that philosophy has ever had in terms of resources and opportunities, as well as fellow practitioners. I have had the benefit of all this. And someone has to be the best—if not me, then who? Would it be agreed that I am the best philosopher ever who started off as a psychologist? Am I clearly the broadest? Am I the best of my height? Etc.
